Top Secret Oddit Info
The mystery of the missin’ millions of moolah in Salisbury’s treasury may have been solved.
Knowledgeable sources close to the operation, but not permitted so speak on the record because they are not authorized spokespeople, have confirmed with a nod and a wink that due to all the expenses paid last year for special consultants, bond counsels, TIFs, WWTP overruns, sludge pool liners, legal representation of developers, curse proofing an office, et al, that a veritable blizzard of faxes, e-mails and other TOP SECRET communications required to keep citizens in the dark enveloped the Infernal Servitude Department. EMTs made regular runs there to staunch serious paper cuts incurred by the staff.
With a degree of precision last seen in the candy factory episode of “I Love Lucy”, Infernal Servitude soldiered on posting water bills, housing code fines from landlords, and parking tickets from the Plaza. But being only human, and confronted with this onslaught of unusual expenditures and revenue sources, can they be blamed for getting an occasional journal entry slightly wrong?
When they got an anguished e-mail and then a really big check from some poor soul in Nigeria, they did just what you and I would have done. They cashed it and deposited it in a rarely used city account that is maintained with a quill pen on parchment by a clerk wearing a green eye-shade while perched on a hard wooden stool working by candlelight for the benefit of the equally anguished taxpayers, and kept news of the windfall from relatives and neighbors and bothersome citizens because you know how shirt-tail relations just seem to pop up when you hit it big. Better to save it for a rainy day like a surprise surplus in a re-election year.
So before you delete that next e-mail request for assistance, remember, it could happen to you! And didn’t I see you at the family reunion about 10.2 million years ago?
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